Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

thoughts before candidacy. who do you say that i am?

who do you say that i am?

in Mark's gospel, Jesus asks the disciples -- "who do you say that i am?"  in other words, when you talk about me, what do you say?  do you believe that i am the great I AM?

tomorrow is my candidacy meeting.  we're meeting via skype, which seems "cool," but webcam or not, wearing pajamas or not, this meeting will, no matter the result, change my life.  and no, i won't wear pajamas.

i can't help but ask God--"who do you say i am?  it wasn't until you spoke that i knew who i am called to be, but tomorrow, will you say that that is still my call?  has my call changed, without me knowing?  when you name me among the angels, what do you say?  do you say erin, who is called to be a deacon in your Church?  do you believe that my voice should speak, through a voicebox covered in a collar, to proclaim that you are the great I AM?  do you say that i am fit to set the table for your Church?"

the thing about discernment is that it never ends.  tomorrow will change my life, because, i will be changed by the reality of candidacy, or the reality that i am not a candidate.  tomorrow--so fixed in time--transcends all the time i've known.

Lord, fill me with peace... remind me of who i am, and Your image that i was created in... curl my lips into a smile... fill my heart with joy... Lord, help me to trust... if there are tears, may they be my worship... Lord, who do you say i am?  Lord, if nothing else, say i'm your child...